Vesey, of Beavercreek, went to nursing school after graduating from Stebbins High School in 1978. She decided then she wanted to go into Hospice work, caring for people at the end stages of their lives. She was hired for her first Hospice job in 1985.
“It’s taught me a lot about life and living and what is important,” she said. “Dying people are incredible teachers.”
After losing her husband, Vesey continued her work in Hospice care. Then in 2017, her daughter Sarah, who had struggled with severe asthma her entire life, passed away after going into cardiac arrest. She was just 29 years old and left behind a 4-year-old son, Warren.
She was also pregnant with her second child.
“My experience of losing my daughter shined a light on the struggle for children who are grieving,” Vesey said. “Many adults in Warren’s life found it hard to talk to him about Sarah’s death. But children also experience grief.”
Prior to her death, Sarah had talked to her son about death after a family friend passed away. Her son asked her where Heaven was, and Sarah told him it was in the clouds.
“Warren and I were walking my dog one day after his mom died and he asked me ‘what cloud is my mommy in?’” Vesey said.
Though Vesey’s own grief was often too much to bear, she desperately wanted to help her grandson work through the loss of his mother. She decided to write a children’s book to help children struggling with grief and loss.
“What Cloud is My Mommy In” became her first book, published in 2019.
“I started attending a young widows support group after Les died and I told them about the book,” Vesey said. “They started asking for different versions — for children losing dads and grandparents.”
Today, Vesey has published four books with two additional scheduled to be published this year, including a book about losing a beloved pet.
“The first four books are identical except for the intro page and the middle page,” Vesey said. “They take children through the entire first year of grief, including all the holidays and birthdays.”
After talking with people who had suffered miscarriages or infant death, Vesey realized that siblings struggle with grief, even if they never get to know their sibling. Vesey said she modeled these books after the Hospice of Dayton Camp Pathways, designed for grieving children.
“In the sibling book, I feature children who knew their siblings and one who did not,” Vesey said. “These characters are represented by turtles, and they help one another to create memories of lost infant siblings.”
Each of the books has questions and activities that are designed to spark discussion. Parents and children can do these together.
Vesey said that kids grieve differently from adults because if they feel sad, they cry and then move on. They don’t feel the need to keep everything inside as adults often do and therefore their sadness and grief don’t become unmanageable.
And since the majority of pet owners consider their pets family members, Vesey knew she should write a book about these unique losses.
“Pets bring so much love and joy while they are here with us so of course we are sad when they are gone,” Vesey said.
Vesey decided to retire from her position as general manager and executive vice president at Hospice of Dayton so she could focus on her speaking business – “My Hope Path.”
“There are two parts to grief,” Vesey said. “One is loss, and the other is remaking your life after.”
Vesey speaks on grief, specifically children’s grief, and other end of life issues. She also works with organizations and companies to share ways they can support their grieving employees.
“Employers are realizing that supporting employees is so much more than giving them three days of bereavement leave and offering them a card for the EAP (Employee Assistance Program),” Vesey said.
“Grief changes a person,” Vesey said. “Even when we are on the other side of grief, we are different than we were before. It shouldn’t be minimized.”
Vesey said she never saw her future like this even ten years ago but after being widowed at age 45, losing her daughter and watching her grandson grieve his mom, she realized parents need to know how to support their struggling children.
“When I look at my life and my training, I feel like God has uniquely qualified me to do this,” Vesey said. “When I go home at the end of the day, I want to be able to say I made a difference. Even if it’s just one family I helped, then I’m a success.”
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