According to the Mayo Clinic, 10- to 20-percent of pregnancies end in a miscarriage, which is a loss before the 20th week of pregnancy.
“Losing a child is a life-changing event,” said Nichole Schweickart, a maternity nurse and bereavement coordinator at Kettering Health. “No matter the situation or length of gestation, a loss can be difficult to navigate.”
Kettering resident Michelle Morris lost her daughter, Kira, at 41 weeks gestation in 2002.
Morris was 23 years old at the time and Kira was the first child for her family.
“I was about a week overdue and it was 10 o’clock at night, and I was laying down and watching TV,” Morris said. “I felt this pop and I thought, ‘Oh this is it.’ I thought my water broke and I realized it was a lot of blood, but as a first-time mother, I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.”
At the hospital, Morris learned that she was hemorrhaging, and she remembers “hearing footsteps running”.
Morris received an emergency C-section at Kettering Hospital and Kira was transferred to the neonatal unit at Miami Valley Hospital. Kira passed away about 10 hours later in her father’s arms. Her death was attributed to a loss of oxygen and blood due to placental abruption.
After Kira’s death she was transferred back to Kettering Hospital so Morris could hold her daughter.
“I was drugged up and in and out, so I only remember certain things. I didn’t think I would be able to handle it at the time but I’m really glad I did,” she said. “My nurse was 100 percent amazing. Her name was Mary Jo and I will never forget her.”
Morris said her grief ebbed and flowed, and knowing Kira was in Heaven was comforting.
“There were times I was making it through and other times I was falling apart,” Morris said. “Kira was an unplanned surprise and by the time she was due we were 100% ready financially, physically and emotionally. I felt like that was ripped away and there was this giant hole. I didn’t have any other kids to fill that mom void.”
Morris got pregnant again about eight months later, and said there was a lot of anxiety about her subsequent pregnancies. She credits her doctor with reassuring her and keeping her calm.
Nearly 22 years later, Morris went on to remarry and she has two children, but Kira’s impact has never left her.
“It’s not talked about enough,” she said. “You can feel like you’re in it all by yourself but there are other people who have been through it. The people around you might not know what to say, but don’t keep it bottled up.”
In the first few days and weeks after a loss, Schweickart recommends that parents take as much personal time as they need. She noted that it can be helpful to put emotions into writing, as well as talk about the baby.
“Avoid placing self-blame — the loss is not your fault. Remember that you are not alone and everyone grieves differently,” she said.
Perinatal loss support groups in the area include Sufficient Grace Ministries, Helping Endure Infant Loss (H.E.A.L.) and Heaven’s Gain Ministries.
“If a patient is looking for a more one on one experience, we recommend counseling services through Crossroads Hospice,” Schweickart said.
“We also partner with Starshine Hospice anytime with have a baby that has been given a lethal diagnosis,” Schweickart said. “Starshine meets with the parents to determine their initial wishes should palliative care need to be initiated following delivery. This process allows us to coordinate those desired wishes with our staff within Kettering Health to provide these families with optimal patient centered care.”
For Morris, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is a chance to feel acknowledged.
“It’s a tough subject, but it’s important to have day to remember Kira and talk about her,” she said. “It is hard, but you will get through it. You are not alone.”
Contact this writer at writeawayk@gmail.com.
A PERSONAL CONNECTION
Journalists strive to be impartial and fair in their reporting, but some topics hit close to home. I wanted to write this piece to raise awareness about Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and thought it was important to share my story with readers.
In August 2020, I unexpectedly experienced a miscarriage in my second trimester due to Trisomy 18. My husband and I were devastated to lose our much-wanted daughter, whom we named Olivia.
We felt overwhelmed and didn’t have the energy to search for resources that could help us explain the situation to our young children. I published two books to honor our daughter, Saying Goodbye to Olivia and Olivia Had Trisomy 18. I hope the books will help other families through their conversations about miscarriage and loss, as well as empower children to find their own way to honor family members.
For more information, visit BooksbyMarie.com.
About the Author